I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

  I know nobody gives 2 craps about the Mets besides for me, as usual. But what is the deal with all these injuries, Pagan leaves the game now, so what are we down to 3 starting position players? Back spasms? Dude, every morning I wake up I have back spasms. And leg spasms, and arm spasms. I slept on my arm the other night and the needles were unbearable, but did I ask out of my day of unemployment? No way, I woke up and went to the couch to watch TV like I normally would, no excuses.
   For realsies though, there has to be a curse on this Mets team, like no doubt about it. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me 5 seasons in a row -  auto Gypsy curse. No other way to explain literally 50% of your starters going down for extended periods of time every single year. Like that shit's extremely unlikely but when it's the Mets it's what's expected. Rooting for the Mets is like rolling deep to a bar in the city on your friends birthday - you always do it no matter what, but you know some shit is going to go wrong, inevitably, and you'll feel like absolute donkey dump afterwards.
   Get well Angel, we'll need you for the wasted at bats of the home stretch.

- Tone